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Quick Reference Guide to Moving through Emotional Triggers;          From Reactivity to Response

The Purpose of Emotional Triggers - To help us evolve in our relationships

The key to moving through emotional triggers is to take Self Responsibility by owning your own trigger. Emotional triggers help you discover what your wants and needs are. With experience you will learn how to voice what you want and need in a way that is not blaming shaming, judging or criticizing others. Practice using ‘I’ statements - for example: I feel, I need, I want, what would really be helpful for me is…, what would really work for me is..my experience is. I really need support with...

In order to Receive the Gift of the Trigger, you need to:

1. Acknowledge that you are emotionally triggered

2. Take full responsibility to move through the Emotional Trigger - moving beyond blame.

3. Make time to explore the Emotional Trigger on your own, in your own space

4. Stop and Breathe

5. Identify the Emotional Trigger - What story are you telling yourself? See list Below.

6. Become aware of your feelings and reflect on where these feelings originated

7. Tune in with your body - where are you feeling your Emotional Trigger? Note the texture, color, others sensations - it may be helpful to draw or journal what you are feeling.

8. Ask if the Emotional Trigger has a message for you - breathe and listen for the answer

9. Create space from the Emotional Trigger - by looking at it more objectively with compassion and understanding

10. Share your experience with a friend, by voicing what you discovered

11. Now you can Relax, from a place of compassionate detachment, come from your center and focus on what you want and need.

12. Practice choosing to ask for what you want and need

To Shift your Reactive Emotional State - quickly

  • Breath to release tension in your body.
  • Drop your awareness into your center - just below your Naval
  • Bring your breath there - nice long deep breaths
  • Until you come back to the moment.

Examples of Common Emotional Triggers
  • Feeling Jealously
  • Feeling rejected/abandoned/ignored
  • Feeling wrongly accused
  • Feeling judged/criticized
  • Feeling diminished/put down
  • Feeling ignored
  • Not feeling heard
  • Not feeling significant
  • Not feeling appreciated/acknowledged
  • Not feeling supported
  • Not feeling good enough
  • Not feeling accepted
  • Not feeling Loved
  • Not feeling Safe
  • Not feeling included
  • Not feeling respected
  • Not feeling valued
  • The need to be in control/right
  • The need to feel needed
  • The need for independence
  • Change, uncertainty
  • Unspoken expectations
  • Making comparisons
  • Blaming/shaming/tone of voice 
  • Too busy for quality time
  • Someone being needy/demanding
  • Someone who is controlling/manipulating
  • Being interrupted

© 2016 ‘Lucia’ Nicola Evans

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Contact Information: Lucia (303)908-5970 E-mail: info@ministryofintimacy.org

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